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It's...well there isn't really a word to describe it. The amount I was in love with him was just indescribable. He brought me out of so many different shells. Helped me in many different ways. It's amazing how easy it was for him to drop me. It just amazes me how you can say you love someone one week then two weeks later change your mind. And here I am, one year later, thinking about how head over heals I was. Talk about an impact.
I don't take any of it back, though. Those were some of the best experiences I've had, really. It's funny, because they were simple things. Late nights talking about how we felt. Blunt honesty. What I believe to be true love. A Kind that I haven't really experienced since. I guess most good things really do have to come to an end. What a disappointing truth..
I miss you. I do. Not just because I'm lonely here in Nevada, awaiting yet another inpatient admission. But because you impacted my life in many different ways, and I'll never forget it. You're in my heart and mind forever, whether I like it or not.
Well it's a marvelous night for a moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
Beneath the cover of October skies | | |
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Really? A medical Withdraw? Good job fucking up the one thing you worked for, Ashley... | | |
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Two-faced assholes..all of them. How am I supposed to feel comfortable in a place where EVERYONE talks about everyone behind each others' backs? I mean seriously...could you be more fucking childish and obnoxious? Right now, I'm thinking NO.
So here's a big FUCK YOU to the idiots who say they're in college but still act like a bunch of high school bitches. | | |
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It's all one big vicious cycle. Stops for a little, starts right back up. It doesn't fucking stop, ever...just keeps coming back. Or I keep going back to the same spot. Why.
I need...out. | | |
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Truth be told, I'm missing the security of the hospital...almost daily. It's sad that I felt more comfortable with life when I was completely cut off from the real world. It's sad that it takes someone kicking my ass for me to stay on track with this. Why can't I kick this on my own? In theory it should be simple. But this is hardest fight I've ever had to take part in. I don't know what to do anymore. I need to be surrounded by people who understand again...but that would involve leaving school and being thrown back into a hospital-like setting. Which I can't decide if I do or do not want. Or need, even. This is the most aggravating disease I could imagine having. I just want out of it at this point. | | |
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